A few weeks ago a woman I have always called a friend called me and said that she had thought about suicide. She had been on medication and in the hospital and was so depressed. I was glad that she felt close enough to me to share her fears but I did not know how to help her. She was trying to find herself and in doing so she pushed everyone away till her mind was clear. I could certainly understand but I felt helpless and felt like I was not doing what a friend should do to help her. I wanted to protect her.
For some time she has told me that the doctors had told her she was bi-polar. I never believed that, but that is what she was told by professionals. I am no professional but I felt like I knew what was wrong with her. She was married to a man who she could never make happy. She would jump through hoops to be the perfect wife and he would find fault. In their marriage nothing she does is ever good enough for him therefore he makes her feel like a failure. The person who is failing in the marriage is not her but him because he should build her up not tear her down.
My friend used to live a few blocks away but moved 20 miles away with her husband. She is such a sweet, loving woman and is married to a man who takes advantage of her in oh so many ways. He does not want her to have friends because she might find out that all marriages are not like hers. Not all marriages are controlled by one person. Marriages have to be a work in progress by both parties forever. Marriage is never easy even when it is a good marriage but when you find yourself in a marriage with a control freak it will never be a good marriage.
Her marriage is now on the verge of ending and all I can feel for her is happiness. I know she is not to this point and feels like she has failed but she has not. She is finding herself and hopefully getting stronger. I feel happiness because I know when she is not constantly belittled she will gain confidence in herself. She is still pushing me away and I am giving her that freedom as a friend who loves her dearly, but at the same time I want to give her a hug and say it will be ok. Am I really a friend? Am I doing the right thing to help her?
I have been through what she is going though and know how much it hurts. Starting over is so very hard. You wonder if you are making the right decision? Can you make it on your own? If you fall down, who is there to pick you up? Many many times when I went through my divorce I would sit alone in the dark and cry because I did not know what was going to happen in my life and I had nobody to talk to. I could not share my doubts with my Mom cause I knew it would upset her. My sister would have nothing to do with me because divorce was against her religion. Depression is something I understand all to well, because I have hidden it from everyone for years. I would like to help her but I don’t know how. Am I really a friend or just another somebody who understands?