The hardest decision of my life to make (and it took me 40 years to make) was to divorce my ex. It had been a long time coming but some things happened in his life about the time I was going to seriously consider divorce and I knew that it would be to much for him to handle.
It is not that my ex is a bad person because he isn’t, but over the years we just seemed to grow in different directions. I don’t know if that is common or just in our case. About 6 years ago I asked myself do I want to spend my last 20 years like I have spent the previous 40 years and the answer was no.
Some people when they divorce try to take the other financially for a cleaning. That is not me. I worked all my life and so did he so I wanted everything to be fair. I looked over our finances to make sure how to divide everything up and both of us be able to make it financially. We had just bought a new house and felt sure he would not want the house so I planned to buy his share of the house from him. I went though all of this before I approached him.
He did not want the divorce, but for one time in my life I was doing this for me. I have always put other people and their needs in front of my own, but this was for me. Lord knows it was hard to do. I felt like I was letting everyone down. I cried and cried because I felt so alone in my decision and I was. Nobody understood why, and I was not going into it with anyone. It was a private matter so I just told everyone not to choose but to remain friends with both of us.
I could not live with a man for 40 years and still not love him, but I was not in love with him any longer. I could not see my last 20 years spent being unhappy.
Believe it or not, we are still friends, well, maybe I should say almost best friends and see each other several times a week and live just a few blocks from each other. Most people do not know how we can be on friendly terms but we make it work out and I will admit sometimes it is hard. However, we will always be there for each other even though I have remarried.
My husband understands that there is no threat with my ex and I being friends and knows that a 40 year history is a bond that in some ways will never be broken. It can be bent A LOT but not broken.
He was originally from MI, but he really had very little to go back to. So he wanted to keep living in our small town of 256. I found the perfect house for him and went with him to look it over and finally make his decision.
He found out after our divorce that he had prostate cancer and I went with him to the doctor and helped out through the treatments till he was cured. I was there for him when he was almost killed in a car wreck and I know that any time I need him he will be here for me as well.
So in a nutshell, you don’t have to be enemies when you divorce and I am not recommending it, but for me it was the right decision.
A marriage only works if both people work all the time to keep it a strong marriage and I don’t think either of us were working at it. We had just grown to far apart over the years.